Society LOVES to reward you for being a high achiever. It’s one of the most desired traits, if you weren’t already aware of that. From job interviews to school classrooms, those who are willing to go above and beyond and produce top-tier results are praised, admired, and often well-liked. Conversely, the idea of being “average” is often looked down upon by employers, teachers, and even parents. The concept of perfectionism has emerged as the result of these internal and social pressures. A healthy level of self-motivation, ambition, and discipline can certainly aid in achieving success and reaching goals; however, sometimes perfectionism can become unhealthy and lead to negative outcomes.
How do I know if I’m a perfectionist?
Perfectionism can take many forms and may look different depending on the individual. One of the most common factors across perfectionists is the setting of unrealistically high expectations for themselves. For a child or adolescent, this may take the form of exemplary grades and high achievement across numerous extracurricular activities. For an adult, perfectionism may look like the pressing need for a six-figure job and flawless marriage. The constant need to achieve perfection may transcend into every area of these individuals’ lives. Here are a few examples of what perfectionism may look like in someone’s life:
- Taking an excessively long time to complete a task in order to fit their standards
- Feeling a great amount of stress if routines or tasks don’t go as planned
- Becoming frustrated when they aren’t successful at something right away
- Being highly critical of their own actions and focus on mistakes
- Fearing failure of not reaching their unrealistically high goals
- Worrying about doing something imperfectly, thus procrastinating the activity
The Dangers of Perfectionism
It’s easy to see how, in many cases, perfectionism may be externally viewed as a positive trait. Those self-described as “perfectionists” often seem to achieve great success in school, work, and relationships. However, falling into the trap of perfectionism can have numerous negative repercussions.
Emotional Consequences of Perfectionism:
Perfectionists may feel anxiety, impatience, or anger when things don’t go as planned or meet their standards.
Relationship Problems:
Relationship problems can also occur as a result of unrealistic expectations and impossibly high standards for a partner or friend.
Burn out and Stress:
It is much easier to feel burnt out on activities you normally enjoy if you are worried about your performance or results being good enough. Ultimately, the stress associated with perfectionism coupled with unrealistically high life expectations can amount to concerningly low self-esteem and issues in interpersonal relationships.
Overcoming the Pressure to be Perfect
Perfectionism is on the rise – in fact, research has suggested that as many as 2 in 5 children and adolescents are perfectionists. It’s not difficult to see how today’s fast-paced, competitive, social media-centric world has resulted in unattainable standards of beauty, achievement, and success. Here are a few ways to conquer negative perfectionism:
- Find a healthy balance with your goals and expectations
- It is great to feel positively motivated by the thought of reaching your goals. Balance lies in being able to focus on improvement and progress rather than solely focusing on the end result.
- Celebrate small victories on your way to your goals
- Accept that failure is part of the process of reaching success
- Get rid of all-or nothing thinking
- When things don’t go according to plan, focus on ways to adapt to your situation rather than ruminating on what went wrong
- Practice self-compassion – how you treat yourself is something you can always control
- Find partial successes where you can – you don’t have to do things perfectly for them to have value
- Compare yourself to yourself
- Look back at past obstacles you have overcome
- Realize that you are seeing a highlight reel of most other peoples’ lives, not the full picture
- “Don’t judge your insides by everyone else’s outsides!”
- Practice gratitude for the positive things in your life
- Seek Professional Help
- Therapy is essential in learning effective ways to overcome the challenges of perfectionism and reframe perfectionistic thoughts
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is often used to address inaccurate or unhelpful perfectionistic beliefs
- A licensed counselor can provide an outside perspective and help you achieve your goals more efficiently and healthily.
Shedding the burden of perfectionism does not mean you have to stop being a high achiever or that you can’t work towards goals and success. However, learning to overcome negative perfectionistic tendencies can result in decreased stress and improved quality of life, thus leading you closer to the success you desire.
If you are interested in addressing your concerns with perfectionism, reach out to us today at 713-331-5538 or info@hcfvl.com to learn more about how The Houston Center for Valued Living can help.
Lisa Forger, MA LPC-Associate, (under the supervision of Christen Sistrunk, MA LPC-S) works with children, adolescents, and adults who seek to elevate their lives and reach their highest potential. She utilizes behavioral parent training and cognitive behavioral therapy to address a variety of psychosocial concerns. To contact Lisa, e-mail: lisa@hcfvl.com or call 713-331-5538.